Ecstasy is, literally, to be outside of that which is the same (ie you). Ec-stasis/static. So ecstasy is that feeling which sunders the same, the explosion of contained energy. We use ecstasy to describe something of an explosive quality, and as such, the important thing to reaching ecstasy is pressure. If we look at modern physics (which I won't because I don't know squat about it), an explosion is caused by the sudden, violent release of energy in such a way that has it building up against something which all breaks at the same time. All explosions must have been restrained (or attempted to restrain). No pressure, no explosion. The greater the pressure, the more dangerous the explosion.
Taking that to our lives, emotionally, the more 'pressure' we build, the greater our explosion (ecstasy). What is pressure? Pressure is asceticism, mortification, self denial. We say no to ourselves until our 'yes' explodes. Most people (who understand this principle) avoid the naysaying for a couple reasons: it hurts too much, they're afraid that they will snuff their yes or they're afraid that their explosion won't be a yes but instead anger.
So... what does this mean for you and I, or anyone else who cares about this particular subject? We need to exercise our no but with control. We use the 'no' to strengthen our yes, culling out all the weak 'yesses.' We must not forget, however, that the whole point of this exercise is the 'yes,' not the 'no.' This is where I feel that most of us falter, especially religious dicta.
With this idea in mind, take into consideration the Christian doctrine of abstinence from sex until marriage. It is a mirror of intercourse itself; hold off until just the right time and then boom. In this case, hold off until you have said 'no' to all routes but one (your spouse) and, like a gun, there is only one way you can go; forward, deeper and deeper in love with that person, into everything about that person, into life.
Okay, I'm done for now.