Thursday, December 23, 2010

Jail Letters

Dear Valentina,
I don't know what to say. But I'm going to make a try. I know you're upset. I know you hate when I drink and I was stupid. I got out of control. I've tried to call you, but you didn't answer. I understand why you wouldn't want to talk to me, but I want you to forgive me and give me a chance. I can't lose you like this.
Chris P.
11/13/2009
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Dear Valentina,
I'm writing this from the concrete desk near my bed and I'm sitting on this round concrete stool that can't move. There isn't much else to do but sit here. The concrete is making me blister. The guy in the room with me doesn't talk much. Good I say. So I sit here and imagine your face. That's how I've been spending my days. I'm not going to forget you. Your calm-ocean eyes and lovely lips. I won't forget . . .
Chris P.
11/15/2009
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Dear Valentina,
Please come and see me – I miss you. I know I made a mistake and lost your trust. I was weak and shouldn't have taken that drink. I was weak and made a mistake that got out of hand. Don't give up on me like that. I'm a better man than that and you know it.
Chris P.
11/20/2009
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Dear Valentina,
I still sit a lot. In particular this one flash of memory keeps appearing in my head. Remember when we spent the day in Wrentham forest? I keep seeing you walking the path ahead of me. You're stepping over a fallen tree. When you're doing it, you turn back to me and smile. I remember that the sunlight behind you couldn't be brighter than your smile. You're wearing a long red shirt and your yellow hair's tied back.
Chris P.
12/07/2009
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Dear Valentina,
It's been a month since I saw you. We argued that night. It all happened fast. I started drinking early with some guys. When I got to your house, I had already had a few. You were upset and wanted me to stop. But I didn't listen then, you know, I should have listened to you. I didn't want to admit that I was wrong that night, so I got angry and left. Look where that got me. I ended up in a fight and really hurt the other guy. Now that my head's clear, I can see that you were right. I should have sat down on your couch as pissed as I was and tied myself down before I got into this mess. Anything but leaving red that night. Don't let that be the last time I see you. Please come visit. Visiting hours are Sunday from 3 to 5. You're at the top of my list. Come, because I love you.
Chris P.
12/12/2009
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Dear Valentina,
I still track the days with the letters I write you. Even though now it feels like I'm just talking to myself. But you keep me in my mind here. Give me some light. But you're fading, babe. I still see your deep-ocean eyes and red lips, but I don't remember how everything fits together too well. In the park, you still turn to look at me over your right shoulder, but I must be farther away because I can't make out much but your smile. I'm not sure if I see you like you really are anymore. It's been awhile. I want to see your face again. I want to see your smile again. Come visit me, you don't even have to talk. You don't even have to smile.
Chris P.
June 13, 2009

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