Sunday, May 5, 2013

Changing a Core Belief

I've been noticing that as I reflect on my dreams and goals the belief "I'm not good enough" keeps coming up. I will change this belief to "I am complete and whole and already have everything I need to be happy!"

Why do I want to change this belief?
I want to change the belief "I'm not good enough" because the belief prevents my dreams from manifesting. As I imagine the life I want: the audience at my huge Madison Square Garden concert or my beautiful, clean, spacious, quiet Chelsea apartment, my vision is interrupted by the limiting belief. No longer will this happen because now I see it for just a thought. This limited belief is not true and prevents my life from speeding forward, prevents me from obtaining the financial freedom I want, and the career success I dream for.

Why don't I want to change this belief?
The belief keeps me in my comfort zone. It keeps me from taking risks that could lead to failure. I don't have to risk looking like an idiot if I don't get what I want or look too good compared to others if I do get what I want. I'm afraid of success and the jealousy in others it might generate so I keep this belief alive to minimize my success in comparison to those around me.

How will changing my belief affect my life?
With the new belief that "I am good enough,"my thinking and goals will expand. I will allow myself to imagine more exciting situations, larger rewards, new adventures to distant lands, more free time, more money and the best friends as company. I will live in grander surroundings and be open to new experience that once would have been closed off.

What does my inner child, adolescent and young adult selves need in order for me to be OK with me changing this belief?

Me: Dear inner child, I don't want to limit myself anymore and think that I'm not good enough. Why do I believe this in the first place?
Child Me: I was always told I was shy so I wasn't able to be successful. I couldn't do the things that would make me stand out because it wasn't who I was. I was the quiet one who had to be the example for everyone else and that meant I couldn't make a mistake because if I got in trouble it'd be bad.
Me: You were a very responsible kid and very smart. The teachers loved having you in their class and wished the other kids would behave as well as you. That's why they said you were a role-model for others. I understand that you don't want to make a mistake and look bad in front of the other kids but I'm not a kid anymore. Now, when I think "I'm not good enough" the only person who gets hurt is me. I want to change that so I can truly experience the world. I want to feel better about myself and feel whole. What do you want from me in order for it to be okay for me to change my belief?
Child Me: I want you to remember the time in fourth grade in Miss Lovejoy's class when I was marked as the class role-model. Do you remember how you felt?
Me: Yes, I was embarrassed but also proud. I was embarrassed because I was singled out as an example.
Child Me: So how does that relate to the belief that "I'm not good enough."
Me: I was afraid of success so I created the belief to dumb down my accomplishments.
Child Me: If you want to change your belief, I need you to go after what you want without fear.
Me: I promise I will go after what I want without fear.

Me: Dear Adolescent Alex, I've been thinking about my life and moving forward. I've come to realize that the main thing holding me back from my dreams is the belief that "I'm not good enough." I want to talk to you about this belief and ask for your permission to change it.
Adolescent Alex: Ok, that sounds good. Why now? Why do you need my permission?
Me: I'm asking you now because when it was your time, I didn't give you as much respect as you needed. You were an excellent student, you succeeded at the games you played including card games and video games, you had friends. I know I was always comparing myself to someone else who seemed to have something better and who was cooler. I want to change this belief and let go of the stuff that held me back when I was you in middle and high school. We had a lot of pain during those years and it mainly came from this belief that I wasn't enough. What would you need in order for me to change this belief?
Adolescent Alex: I need you to look inside yourself and find what is at your core. I need you to learn to love that because that is what makes you special. No one else has that and you can make the world better with what's already inside.

Me: Dear YA Alex, I'm in the process of digging in deep into my life and changing this core belief that has been holding me back since I was very young. I've already spoken to Child Me and Adolescent Alex and they needed me to first go after what I want without fear and second look deep inside myself and love what makes me special. I want to change the core belief that "I'm not enough" because in order for me to create the life I deserve and imagine, I need to first belief that I deserve it and am enough to get it. Can I have your permission to change my belief and move on in my life?
YA Alex: I'm excited that you are going through this and have gotten to me. Thanks for thinking of me and asking my permission. I completely support your mission to eradicate and replace this belief. I need you to do one thing though. Remember at the beginning of college when you were saturated day and night with this belief? You were struggling constantly with your emotions and your reason for being here. You resorted to writing and reflection just as you are now. At the same time your grandmother committed suicide. I need you to do two things. I need you to read her letter and I need you to remove all suicidal thoughts from your mind. When they arise, I need you to recognize them as the belief "I am not enough" in disguise and eradicate them immediately. They are poison and will bring you down. Do push ups or pull ups, go for a run, focus on your breath, call you brother or your mother, call up a friend. Do laundry. Do anything to change direction and get those depressed thoughts out of your mind. The self-pity only perpetuates this belief that you are dedicated at changing. I want you to read her letter to understand what form those thoughts take. You need to understand the consequences of these limiting beliefs.
Me: Reading that letter scares me but I will accomplish this. I will recognize this insidious belief "I am not enough" in all its forms and replace it with the truth. Thank you so much for giving me permission to change this belief.

How will my self-concept change when my belief is changed?
I will feel more confident. I will feel more generous, I will feel more in sync with the world because I will be doing what I want and having fun. I will enjoy my own company more and  I will have more gratitude for the things I already have instead of being focused on what's not yet arrived. I will be living in peace, joy and abundance. My vision for the future will be clearer and the doubts in my mind will become nonexistent. I will be able to distinguish between my intuition and mental chatter and follow those leads to fruition.

Old belief: "I am not enough."
New belief: "I am complete and whole and have everything I need to be happy."

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